Lately things just aren't the same with your partner. Something
seems off, and you can't help but wonder if there's somebody else.
Suspecting your partner of cheating can be tricky. The possibility
terrifies you, but you're also afraid of being wrong and looking like a
fool who has trust issues. In a situation like this, it is wise to tread
carefully.
Make sure that there are legitimate reasons for
suspecting your partner, and that it's not just your insecurity that is
skewing your point of view. If you do have an overwhelming feeling that
there may be
infidelity in your relationship then read on for common
signs of cheating, and compare them with your man or lady's behavior.
1. Change In long held beliefs:
You observe a shift in your partner's attitude about relationships or
love. It may be that your man used to condemn husbands who cheat on
their wives and had strong opinions about infidelity. Suddenly, they
seem more lenient with their thinking.
Maybe you're watching TV
together one night and there's news of a celebrity couple breaking up
because the man cheated. You are appalled, but he might shrug and say
something like "Well, if she stopped having sex with him what do you
expect?"
Pay attention to changes in long held beliefs that your
partner had, he or she may be altering their view to accommodate their
new thinking or behavior.
2. Trading in khakis for miniskirts:
If you have known your partner for a while, then you might start
noticing sudden changes in the way they dress or want to look. If your
lady has always been very taken with her appearance, and she buys new
clothes or changes her hair, it may not be a cause for alarm. However,
if she used to dress like a frumpy grandmother to work and she's
suddenly wearing miniskirts and high heels, then you may have a problem.
3. Newfound body image issues:
A sudden and unjustified change in body image is another major
infidelity sign. If your partner has taken the decision to be thinner or
more muscular for health reasons or has always been fit there's
probably no reason to doubt anything.
However, if your couch
potato husband is not really concerned with his health, but suddenly
starts spending hours in the gym because he is now obsessed with getting
rid of his belly fat, then take a closer look. Also, if he refuses that
you accompany him to the gym, or is presenting otherwise sketchy
behavior regarding his body, he may be straying.
4. I want to be alone:
Your partner suddenly wants to spend a lot of time on their own. The
need for space is a major sign that something is going on especially if
this request comes out of nowhere and with no valid explanation.
If
you two had a fight and he or she is still resentful, then the need for
space can be somewhat understood. However, if your relationship is
stable and things are going great, and your partner suddenly wants to be
alone, there might be someone else filling that void.
5. Picking fights:
The man or woman in your life might also not only demand more space but
do everything possible to create more of it. He or she might pick
fights for no reason, and may make an issue of every little thing to
create an illusion that you're not getting along.
They do this to
legitimize their wrongdoings and to feel less guilty. The way they
figure is this; since you're both always fighting, you are the
unreasonable one and you are pushing them into another person's arms.
6. Storming out of the house:
On a related note, if your man or woman storms out after a "fight"
because they just can't take it anymore and say that they need some time
to think, they may be using it as an opportunity to meet up with the
other person. This technique has two major benefits.
First, it
gives him or her more time on their own to cheat. Second, they can use
the fights as a lever to gain the sympathy of the other person who they
are cheating with. They want the other man or woman to stay in the
deceitful relationship.
So they complain about their partner to
demonstrate that they are being driven to cheat and so it isn't their
fault. So if every time you fight with your partner, he or she storms
out there may be a good reason why.
7. Reverse psychology:
When someone is cheating, he or she becomes a master manipulator. If
you start noticing that your once earnest and direct partner is using
reverse psychology and other weird techniques that they didn't use
before, then know that something is up. If he or she always makes it
seem that you're the one in the wrong no matter what happens. He or she
may have something to hide.
8. On the defensive:
If your man or lady has suddenly become overly defensive and can't take
any type of criticism, then you need to take a good look at what's going
on. If you ask him about a lady co-worker and he starts a fight, or he
becomes furious after you ask him why he didn't call if he was going to
be late for dinner, there's something there.
Ask your partner
about it, maybe there's a good reason for this newly found
oversensitivity and short temper. A stressful work week or family
problems may be to blame for this change in behavior.
9. Lying through their teeth:
Cheating always involves lying. If you keep catching your partner in
little lies, then something is up. If he said he was working late the
night before at the office, then says that he was out with his boss
having drinks another time, beware he may be cheating. If the little
things he or she says just don't add up, then ask them about it. If they
avoid confronting the issue, you can be sure that there's something
going on that shouldn't be.
10. Going the distance:
If your partner is cheating, then he or she may deal by becoming more
distant. He will avoid talking about serious subjects and only engage in
small talk. He may avoid getting into conversations about your
finances, work, and children if you have them or any future plans. He or
she will always seem to have something on their mind and you can't seem
to connect with them on a deeper level like you used to.
11. Emotional detachment:
Your partner might also disengage emotionally from your relationship.
Your man used to be extremely affectionate and loving, but now you can't
get an "I love you" out of him. There might be something wrong. You'll
want to ask him why he has become emotionally detached.
He might
be upset with you over something you did and is acting out, so talking
about it is very important. If he just shrugs or refuses to even
acknowledge his behavior or even blames you for being paranoid,
something deeper might be festering under his aloof exterior and you
need to be careful.
12. Loves being out alone, hates staying in with you:
Does your partner seem upbeat when he or she gets home or when they are
getting ready to go out, but seems gloomy while he or she is spending
time with you? If you don't have any problems in your relationship that
may be causing this change in behavior, then it might be that your
partner is excited about something going on outside the home, something
like a juicy affair.
13. Affection overload: Some
other cheaters act in an entirely different manner due to overwhelming
feelings of guilt. They will shower their partners with affection, gifts
and caring words. They might be even more romantic than usual and more
attentive.
If this shift is sudden and you cannot find a logical
or even an illogical explanation for it, then ask your partner what
brought this on, they may be able to reassure you and give you a valid
explanation. If you still can't understand this behavior, it might be
that your partner is cheating and using this as a decoy so you won't
suspect anything.
14. Chatter away: On a related
note, if your usually silent partner suddenly becomes a chatterbox, then
beware. Sometimes people who lie tend to over talk or give more
information than was asked for to cover up other things. Observe this
new behavior for a while, and bring it up to them if it bothers you.
15. Working a lot of overtime:
One of the most obvious cheating signs is your partner keeps working
overtime when this was never the case before. He or she suddenly becomes
the most valuable and hardest working employee in their company.
This
doesn't always mean that your partner is cheating on you; there might
be a special project that needs to be done before a certain deadline or
it's the end of the year and there's a lot of work that needs to be
done. However, if your partner seems to be the only one working
overtime, and other employees don't seem to know anything about it, then
there might be something fishy going on.
16. Do not enter-work zone:
If your partner used to involve you in his or her work life. Telling
you all about work, inviting you to company events like picnics, having
you over to meet them for lunch but suddenly starts cutting you off,
something might not be right.
Maybe he or she doesn't want you
around their workplace because there's someone they don't want you to
know about or there is something that they are hiding like all those
extra projects they were working on late were fictional. If you do see
any of your partner's co-workers, they may act very uncomfortable in
your presence. If there is no valid explanation for this, something
might be going on behind your back.
17. Buddies no more:
Similarly, if your man used to invite his buddies over for Sunday night
football or Thursday night Basketball every week, and suddenly stops
having them over, it may be because he is afraid that they will spill
his secret or not corroborate his stories.
If he starts meeting
with them outside more and more, he may also be using them as his alibi
for getting out of the house. He may be keeping you apart from them
because he's afraid that they might accidently or intentionally divulge
his secret.
18. Awkward friend situation: Also it
may be that your man or lady's friends keep avoiding you even though
you all used to be very close. Your girlfriend or wife's friends might
do everything in their power to not see you because they can't face you
if they know of their friend's cheating.
They might also be afraid
of saying anything that would compromise your relationship and most
people do not want to be a part of that. So they might avoid you all
together so as not to find themselves in an awkward situation.
19. Bye Bye old interests:
If your partner suddenly loses interest in activities which he used to
love, then there might be something weird going on. If your man, out of
the blue, starts to hate playing sports when he used to live and breathe
soccer, or he stops spending his free time gardening on the weekends,
then there might someone else in his life that is bringing on those
changes.
20. Marriage blues: If you are married,
and you notice that your husband or wife starts acting hostile or bored
towards you, your children or your home life in general, there might be
something fishy going on. He or she might start making references to how
they misses being single or how hard it is to be married.
He or
she might get rid of your children's toys in the car or anything that
demonstrates that they have a family. They may be cheating with someone
and are lying to them about being married with children, and so they
suddenly start rejecting their marital status.
21. Beware of the Lazy pants:
If your spouse used to be active around the house doing laundry,
feeding the kids, mowing the lawn, and suddenly starts becoming lazy and
uncooperative, he or she may be feeling negatively towards the very
notion of being married and sharing your home.
They don't even
want to try anymore, and this includes doing chores, planning family
outings and vacations. They might not even want to attend important
events such as holidays, anniversaries or birthday parties. This is
especially suspicious if they never really had any issue with doing
these things before.
22. Strange outings: Another
sign that your partner may be straying is that he or she begins to go
out to new places at strange times, and never has a convincing answer as
to why this is. He used to hate food shopping, suddenly he insists on
doing the weekly grocery shopping, and doesn't want you to come along.
She
used to deeply despise anything arty, and out of the blue, one Saturday
has an outing to go to an art museum with friends. You know your
partner inside and out, so if you notice changes in their favorite
activities with no valid explanation, something is up.
23. Sneaking out like a teenager:
If your partner is sneaking out, then he or she may have something to
hide. The reason they may be going out behind your back is usually to
avoid scrutinizing questions and wants to avoid lying to you. If he or
she has nothing to hide then letting you know that they are on their way
out shouldn't be such a secretive matter, so beware of increased
sneakiness and secrecy.
24. Is your partner an undercover agent?:
You may find out that your partner has a new means of communication
that you don't know about. This includes a new e-mail address, a
Facebook account under a pseudonym or nickname, a new cell phone and
phone number. All of these are big red flags that you should immediately
take notice of.
25. Financial infidelity:
Another major sign of cheating is the odd use of money and/or credit
cards. If you are used to sharing financial data between you and your
partner, and he or she suddenly starts hiding credit card statements or
disabling your access to an online checking account to hide cash
withdrawals or other new spending habits, something weird is going on.
26. Is this my partner talking?:
If your partner is having an affair, then he or she might start using
different language than he used to. This includes telling more or less
jokes, or using certain catch phrases. He or she may even adopt a
certain way of talking or an accent that is inspired by someone else.
We
tend to emulate people that we like and hang around with often. So if
this is happening in your relationship, pay attention and ask your
partner about it.
27. Your partner becomes jumpy and frazzled:
Your man or lady might easily get disturbed or confused by mundane
things. If you do something nice for him or her, they act strange. This
is because they want to vilify you to justify their wrongdoing, and your
nice behavior catches them off guard.
They might act disoriented
and jumpy for no apparent reason. This can be a cheating sign because
your partner is trying to sort out his or her feelings about your
relationship but also the affair, and is likely to present erratic and
unstable behavior as a result.
28. Country music anyone?:
If your partner suddenly starts developing new taste in music or in
food, then you might want to question him or her about it. It may be
that they are dating someone who is fond of a certain cuisine or music,
and they are beginning to take a liking to it. Developing new tastes out
of the blue can be a revealing sign that your partner has found someone
new to be devoted to.
29. What's up with the Brazilian?:
Another infidelity sign is a sudden change in personal hygiene and body
grooming habits. If your man used to shower every morning and is
suddenly taking several showers a day for no apparent reason, there
might be something going on.
If your lady didn't used to pay
attention to her private parts being groomed, and begins getting
Brazilian bikini waxes, she might be trying to impress someone else. He
or she may also buy new underwear and use it, or may start putting on a
lot of perfume or after shave. Pay attention to these little details if
you suspect your partner of cheating.
30. Condoms away!:
Another sign that there might be a sexual affair going is the increased
use of contraceptive methods. Is she on the pill when you have gotten a
vasectomy? Is he carrying out condoms when you are on the pill and
haven't used condoms since high school? If there is no valid explanation
for this behavior, then this is a big red flag that your partner may be
cheating.
31. Blue pill wonders: Another sign of
cheating is that your partner is suddenly interested in purchasing
medication for sexual performance. He may get erectile dysfunction
medication such as Viagra. She might order breast enlargement herbal
supplements or lubricant for herself. This is especially suspicious if
it is done secretively through online ordering or he or she hides the
objects once they arrive or takes them in secret.
32. The answer lies in clothes:
There may be unexplained stains, smells or rips on your partner's
clothing. This may include the clichéd lipstick smudge on your man's
shirt, but also other types of stains and smells that just aren't
typical of your partner's clothes. This can also lead to suddenly
excessive laundry washing at weird hours of the day or night,
unexplained purchasing of new clothes, or finding clothes in the trash
can that your partner may have thrown away to hide evidence.
33. Knock knock, is anyone in there?:
Your partner may be caught daydreaming or checked out at many times
during the day, and doesn't tell you what they're thinking about and is
unwilling to interact. He or she seems to be in another world, but
denies it and can't seem to be bothered to engage in activities with
you. Your partner may just be absorbed by work or something else might
be bothering them.
34. Are you more likely to reach President Obama on the phone than your partner?:
Your partner suddenly becomes impossible to reach. When you call the
office, they are always at a meeting or on another call with an
important client. Their cell phone is turned off on more than one
occasion, and the cell phone reception in their building is suddenly the
"worst." Your partner may not call you back right away, or claims to
not have received your calls or listened to your messages.
Their
assistant or receptionist is all of the sudden the most incompetent
person on earth. In short, the fact that they have become inaccessible
is everyone else's fault but their own. All the flimsy excuses in the
world cannot hide the fact that there is something sketchy going on in
your partner's life.
35. No, it's mine!: With the
advent of new technologies, there is a multitude of ways one can keep
in touch with someone else. If you and your partner used to share phones
and laptops, and keep them on in each other's presence and this
suddenly changes, there is a reason for that. You used to look at your
man's cell phone, read his text messages and he never even flinched.
All
of the sudden, his phone has become so precious to him that he eve
takes it into the bathroom. If you take a look at it, he accuses you of
snooping. His laptop, which used to be your computer as well, suddenly
has password protection. All of these are telltale signs that he might
have something to hide.
36. Delete all: If he
still allows you to touch or use his or her phone, or laptop, you find
that he or she always makes sure that browser history and cookies are
deleted, that their contact list is cleaned up, and incoming e-mails
erased.
Maybe they're just embarrassed of some pages they visited,
but more likely, he or she may be hiding their online contact with a
lover. Similarly, if his or her phone's message list or call log is
always empty, they just might be hiding something or someone from you.
Look into this.
37. He or she becomes a night owl:
Your partner might spend a lot of time on their computers especially
late at night and after you go to bed. Sure, your man might be a porn
addict, but he may also be contacting another woman.
On a related
note, your partner might start talking more and more on their cell
phones, and racking up huge bills. To sum it up, if there is a sudden,
unexplained change in telephone or computer usage with your partner,
there may be something strange going on.
38. Your opinion and advice don't matter anymore:
Another sign that your partner might be infidel is he or she stops
seeking out your advice or your opinion about major decisions in their
lives. They might make irresponsible big purchases or act impulsively
without talking with you first. Maybe he went and spent all of his
savings on a boat that you never knew about.
Maybe she decided to
put up your house on the market without consulting you first. They may
have quit their jobs and not even told you about it. This type of rash
behavior is typical of a cheater who just doesn't care about planning
your future together anymore and doesn't even care to ask what you think
beforehand.
39. Your partner becomes a world champion nagger:
A cheating partner may begin to constantly complain about you or your
relationship and how unhappy he or she is. They may be overly critical
of you, and suggest that things aren't working out. He or she may pick
more fights to prove this point and makes no effort to make things work.
At this point, your partner may be having an affair but also thinking
of ending your relationship.
Now, if you do have genuine problems
between you that you are working on, then there is probably nothing to
worry about. However, if everything is going fine in your relationship
and you do get along; your partner may be fabricating a broken
relationship to justify not only his or her cheating, but also their
leaving.
40. Sex? No thanks: If your partner is
cheating on you, he may suddenly lose interest in having sex with you.
Even if he or she does, they'll just go through the motions, with no
shared feelings or emotions. If it's there any sex at all, it becomes
just physical. If your partner has always been a passionate lover and
suddenly becomes detached or cold in lovemaking for no good reason,
there may be somebody else.
41. Who are you and what have you done with my wife?:
If on the other hand, your man or lady usually is usually more reserved
and subdued in bed, and suddenly becomes an extremely attentive and
passionate lover with exaggerated displays of affection, they may be
overcompensating to deal with their feelings of guilt.
They may
suggest you try new things in bed and become more adventurous. Ask them
where they got this newfound fervor, and if there's a valid explanation,
then just enjoy. Otherwise stay alert. This change in sexual behavior
might be a result of infidelity.
42. Extreme changes in feelings and behavior:
Your partner may at times be very sexually engaged and at other times
be completely withdrawn. Sometimes they shower you with affection, and
other times they hardy want to talk to you and seem to avoid you.
Although,
there may be good explanations for this type of unpredictable and
erratic behavior, it is something to watch out for, especially if your
partner used to be fairly consistent. It may be that they are cheating
and are confused about their affair, thus taking out their mixed
feelings on you.
43. He or she has become a complete downer:
Has your partner been generally unsatisfied with their life lately even
though they used to be happy? Is he or she much more negative than they
used to be? This may be due to an exciting affair that they are having
which has demonstrated to them how mundane their current life is. Have
they become confused about their own sense of self? Maybe there is
someone new in your partner's life who is calling into question their
identity and who they are.
44. Bungee jumping, here I come:
On a related note, is your partner suddenly a thrill seeker when you
could never even get them to go on a child's water slide ride at your
local amusement park? Does he suddenly want to get a motorcycle or a
tattoo and signs up for mountain climbing classes? Of course, this might
just be a mid-life crisis talking.
However, there's always the
possibility that there is someone else, perhaps somebody younger in your
partner's life that is instigating this transformation and inspiring
this new attitude.
45. Low self-esteem: Another
sign that your partner may be cheating is that he or she has
increasingly low self esteem. This means that your partner is vulnerable
and can fall prey to cheating because he or she cannot make themselves
feel secure and worthy. If they believe that you are not providing them
with enough approval or love and just aren't getting satisfaction from
their job, they might go to someone else from whom they can obtain the
desired feelings of security and self worth.
Of course this
doesn't mean that if your partner cheats, this is your fault; your
partner should have come to you first to resolve his or her issues, and
low self esteem is no excuse for bad behavior.
46. Gonorrhea, herpes anyone?:
A concrete sign that your partner may be straying is you have proof
that they have contracted a sexually transmitted disease (STD) and it
wasn't from you. Maybe you got a call from your husband's physician, or
intercepted an email, or found lab results by mistake. You may even have
seen the actual STD on your partner's body.
If this is the case
and he or she has only gotten the disease recently, then your partner is
not only straying but might even have contaminated you. So get yourself
checked. If you have also gotten the STD and you have not engaged in
sexual relations with a new partner, then this only serves to confirm
your suspicions that your partner has been cheating on you.
47. The "friend" you never got to meet:
A tangible sign of cheating is that someone new suddenly starts taking
up your partner's time and attention. Whether it's a co-worker, a gym
partner, or a friend from way back, this person seems to come out of the
blue and he or she starts coming up in conversations and in future
plans all the time.
Your partner brings up this mysterious friend
in random conversation and they always seem to be at the right place at
the right time and at social gatherings you weren't attending. Although
it is healthy to seek out new friendships, it is a big red flag if your
partner refuses to introduce you to this new friend and wants to keep
him or her under wraps.
48. I'm a cheater? No you're the cheater, you cheater:
A telltale sign that your partner might be cheating is that they turn
around and accuse you of straying when you have given them no reason to
doubt you. Of course, there's always the possibility that they're just
jealous or are feeling insecure in the relationship. However, if you
have reassured them of your unconditional love and have done more than
enough to placate their anxiety, and they're still accusing you left and
right, something is definitely wrong.
The reason they may be
doing this if they're cheating is to deflect attention from their own
behavior. They may also genuinely believe that you're cheating because
they become paranoid and start imagining their own deceptive tactics
everywhere. Don't fall into this trap, and don't start accusing them of
cheating either, look out for other signs to be sure.
49. Follow your gut:
The biggest sign that your partner may be cheating is that there is
something deep inside of you that is making you doubt him or her in the
first place. Think about it; you know your partner better than anyone.
Their habits, actions and behaviors are hardwired into your brain, and
so if you feel it in your gut that there's something wrong, then follow
your instincts. It might turn out to be true.
