Surviving Infidelity - Keys to Overcoming and Coping With the Affair

Infidelity expert Robert explains that surviving an affair is possible, even when things seem hopeless!

Surviving infidelity and an affair IS possible. It may not feel that way if you've recently uncovered the affair of your spouse or partner. If you have just uncovered the affair, or the suspicions of infidelity are so intense that they're driving you out of your mind, then, you know what I'm talking about. Nonetheless, there are specific steps or stages, mental shifts you'll make, that will propel you through this infidelity crisis. Survival may seem a completely fitting word. It truly feels like emotional, sometimes even physical survival. The fear and pain can be debilitating and excruciating. It strikes at the heart of who you are, or thought you were. Surviving infidelity and an affair means that you will make shifts in your thinking. You see, there are many common misconceptions about surviving an affair that make surviving an affair and the healing and recovering from infidelity much, much more difficult. And, as you begin to make the shifts, you begin to survive the affair, begin to feel relief and a new confidence in your ability to say and do exactly what you must to not merely survive the affair but know what you can do to possibly stop the affair, begin your healing process and perhaps save your marriage or relationship.

Surviving affair Shift #1: Avoid the Killer Mistakes Most Make to Prolong the Affair and their Misery

A shift most have to make in surviving an affair is how they initially approach their cheating husband or cheating wife. In my free ecourse I outline 7 Killer Mistakes that prolong the affair, the misery and agony. This free e-course begins shaping your thinking in a way that gives you the first steps of change that will give you the personal power you need in surviving and eventually overcoming and thriving through the infidelity and affair. For instance, you will shift past: saying I love you.. and know exactly why you are doing that suggesting counseling...and know exactly why this doesn't work saying you've changed...and be able to see the positive impact on him/her of NOT using this phrase and more.... and begin utilizing words and actions that will have the greatest chance of ending the affair and bringing about healing.

 Surviving affair Shift #2: You CAN'T DIRECTLY stop the affair

 In order to survive infidelity and an affair means that you have to shift away from the thought and the effort that you can stop the affair. Attempting to directly stop the affair is often a disaster waiting to happen. Sorry, but that's the bad news. The good news: Many people often end the affair by using "indirect" approaches. These strategies often work, to the astonishment of the offended partner or spouse. For example, you can learn the powerful strategy of "backing off" when applied to a "My Marriage Made Me Do It" type of affair. Again, surviving an affair means making some shifts that right now you may not even consider to be possible.

Surviving affair Shift #3: Overcoming the Stigma and Isolation of being the "Wounded Spouse"

Another shift in surviving an affair is to reach out. Yes, it's often difficult, at least in the initial states of infidelity discovery to seek out the support and encouragement of others. However, many people find support and a listening ear to be indispensable - at least in those very early hours and days - in surviving infidelity and the affair. As unreasonable as it seems, many people feel embarrassment and humiliation when they initially discover that their spouse is having an affair. They don't want to tell anyone. (They also think that if the affair ends and the marriage is restored, it would NOT be helpful to have others know what happened.) And so, many suffer in silence or make knee-jerk, uninformed decisions that harm the process.

Surviving affair Shift #4: Knowledge becomes Power

Surviving an affair means you seek out knowledge. And, this knowledge will generate shifts in your thinking about infidelity and affairs that will give you newfound courage, power and hope. Affairs are exceeding complex. Did you know that? The grocery check-out tabloids don't convey the complexity of affair relationships. There are different kinds of affairs, each with varying nuances and different motivations. I outline 7 distinctive kinds of affairs in my e-book, "Break Free From the Affair." This introduction to infidelity will kick-start your change and healing process. Surviving an affair is often dependent on knowing exactly what you need to say and do in terms of the specific kind of affair facing you. In conjunction with the 7 types of affairs, I will outline specific approaches to use with each different type of affair you may encounter. Warning: Using a strategy for one type of affair may work, but may be disaster when used for a different type of affair.

Surviving affair Shift #5: Make the right decisions

Decision making is vital to surviving an affair or infidelity. All kinds of decision-making situations enfold you. For example, to truly save the marriage, if that is what you want to do, it is imperative to first seriously entertain the question, should you stay or should you go? Or, should s/he stay? Or, should s/he go? Maybe you never even thought in those terms. Or, maybe, you simply don't WANT to think in those terms. You must also ask the question: "Do I truly want to save the marriage (want to be married to him/her) or do I want the marriage for my own personal needs?" There is a huge difference (your cheating husband or wife will intuitively know). Give yourself some time with the question before formulating key decisions and tactics. Surviving infidelity and an affair in a healthy and proactive manner forces you to alter your thinking, uncomfortably at first, to give you the most potential for resolving the crisis, restoring your sanity and possibly salvaging the marriage.
Dr. Huizenga, the Infidelity Coach, offers infidelity help and relationship advice for coping with extramarital affairs and marital infidelity at: Break-Free-From-the-Affair.com Article Source: https://EzineArticles.com/expert/Dr._Robert_Huizenga/7638 Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/2103594

 Here's anoth really good article Survive infidelity and save your marriage

A cheating Partner! What Goes Through THeir Mind?

The 7 Key Mindsets of a Cheating Partner 

Have you always wanted to understand the mindset of a cheating partner? Have you ever been puzzled by the behavior of cheaters? Well... believe it or not but all cheaters have some key common mindsets that allow them to cheat. They have some key attitudes that allow them to sanction their unfaithful ways. So what are the key mindsets of a cheating spouse?
1. Incorrect vision of the relationship. This partner has either a hazy perspective on what they want their relationship to look like in the long term or their vision for the relationship is that they are in it only for a short time. If your partner's vision is erroneous then they have created room to allow them self to be untrue to you.
2. No relationship goal. A partner with this mindset does not have a long term goal for the relationship. This happens mainly because many of us have a goal of getting into a relationship but once we are in the relationship we have no goal for the relationship. We simply keep moving without knowing where we are going as a couple. A partner with no relationship goal will easily cheat when the opportunity presents itself.
3. Incorrect relationship assessment gauge. Cheating partners compare their relationship with other relationships instead of their own vision of what they want for their relationship. And as you all know when you compare yourself with others you become either conceited or discontent. Conceit gives a false sense of invincibility that makes a person more likely to cheat as they do not take the necessary safeguards against cheating. Discontent on the other hand makes a person seek fulfillment elsewhere in search of the elusive 'great' relationship that other people have.
4. No growth. This is a partner who is not committed to keep growing in the relationship and they have a mindset of wanting things to remain as they were at the start and if things change then they are prone to being untrue as they search for what 'used to be'.
5. Emotions held by the past. A partner with this mindset is controlled by the past. Whatever happened in the past still has a hold on this partner. This means that if this person was cheated on they believe that all other partners will cheat on them and they either keep talking about it or acting like it is happening until it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. To avoid this pitfall make sure that your partner has made peace with their past.
6. Immediate gratification. A partner with this mindset is usually not ready to make sacrifices for the relationship. They focus on getting gratification now and so will not resist attraction to other people as they place a higher premium on how they feel, now and here, regardless of its possible repercussions.
7. Avoid responsibility. A partner with this mindset does not take responsibility for them self. It is always either somebody else's fault or they couldn't help them self. This mindset prepares your partner to cheat since they have convinced them self that they are not responsible.
A partner with only one of these mindset's may, with some help, learn to change their attitude but a partner with most of these will need a serious mind transformation for them to close the door to infidelity.

Rosy Anderson is a researcher in social economic issues and their effects on decision making. If your relationship has gone through a crisis here are some quick relationship fixes and some clues on what he does when he wants to dump you.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/expert/Rosy_Anderson/694214

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